God, Is That You?

Fourth page of my altered book: The Lamenting Prophetic Witness through the Eyes of Women's Insanity

One of the many things that leads to suffering is abuse, of all kinds. For many patients in the hospital, abuse began when they were children. The consequences of their abuse lives ever in their present. Their stories want to be heard. They want their stories to be heard. But too often their stories are full of fear and pain, and they cannot speak a word of them. So in behalf of those who are unable to speak their pain, I write it for them. Here is the poem from this page:

A footstep mars the hallway.

And darkness bars the doorway.

God, is that you?

Fear creeps into her bed

And abuses her head.

But her eyes stand wide open.

They Say She Has Delusions

Third page of my altered book: The Lamenting Prophetic Witness through the Eyes of Women's Insanity

Sometimes there is a kind of seeing that doesn't quite jive with what is supposedly reality. It's a somewhat distorted perspective, and yet this sort of twisted vision or view is very real to those who experience reality through a different lens. Speaking from my own experience, I can say that there have been moments when reality seemed so clearly to be a particular way only for me to discover at some time distant to the event, that what I thought was clearly real was a fabrication of my mind. And yet, I knew something in that moment. So who's to say what is real in any given moment. And do certain things not exist because I don't see them as another does? When I meet with patients, I do my best to respect their reality. It may not make a lot of sense to me, but their pain is real. Here is the poem from this page:

They say she has delusions.

There's a God conspiracy.

Was Jesus schizophrenic?

But she knows something,

By seeing sideways.

God Birthed Her

Second page of my altered book: The Lamenting Prophetic Witness through the Eyes of Women's Insanity

In my work, I see and experience a lot of tears. Too many tears. They are tears full of suffering, abuse, pain, fear, oppression, grief, and utter despair. Mostly, I can hold the space for all those bloody tears, but once in awhile I notice that inner stirring which tells me that a few of those bloody tears have gotten in and mixed with my own bloody tears. In those moments, I know what it is to feel the pain of being a human woman. Here is the poem from this page:

From Adam's clay womb

God birthed her

To weep bloody tears

From bloodied eyes

Into God's bloodied side

Patriarchal Muzzle

First page of my altered book: The Lamenting Prophetic Witness through the Eyes of Women's Insanity

This is the first page spread from my altered book, entitled The Lamenting Prophetic Witness through the Eyes of Women's Insanity. It is based on my experiences with the women at the state hospital. The poetry does not represent any one single woman, but could represent all or some or a select few or perhaps two. The poetry reflects what I have heard and seen from their experiences. But the words are mine, an interpretation of sorts. It reflects my experiences of their experiences.

Be warned. Some of the page spreads are not easy to read. Some might offend. Some might disturb. One page spread contains uncensored expletives. Thus, you have been warned ahead of time.

Here is the poem on this page:

A patriarchal muzzle

Pierces her nose

And pinches her lips

The prophetic eyes

Speak silent sorrow

The Lamenting Prophetic Witness through the Eyes of Women's Insanity

Inside title page of my altered book: The Lamenting Prophetic Witness through the Eyes of Women's Insanity

This is the title page of my altered book. Its title is The Lamenting Prophetic Witness through the Eyes of Women's Insanity. This book is a tribute to the women at the Oregon State Hospital. They lament for many reasons: rape, sexual abuse, prostitution, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality, drug abuse, alcohol dependence, guilt, shame, oppression in many forms. This altered book gives voice to their cries as they experience and perceive the world. For today, enjoy the title page. More pages to be posted over the next few days.