is a transliteration of the Greek word, εγερσις, which has the meaning of being roused to life. Thus, it is my hope that what you find on this blog will empower, arouse, stimulate, excite, and animate your life--your soul, your spirit--the wholeness of who you are.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

More on the -TY Mess

My project is still in its crappy state. I worked on it yesterday, again, in the same crappy way as the previous day. I didn’t think it could get any worse, but it did. I had to stop and do something else because the heat in my face was about to burst into more four-letter expletives.

Upon reflection, I realized that I was actually learning something about myself. I already knew that I could spew “bad” words, so it wasn’t that. No, I learned something about the process of things and how I like that process to be.


I like the process to be predictable, not erratic. I like the process to be tidy, not sloppy. I began to feel like the process, messy as it was supposed to be, was a reflection on me, as though I couldn’t do erratic and sloppy the “right” way. The project wasn’t turning out the way that I thought crappy ought to turn out. The truth is that I didn’t know such crappiness could come from my hands.


The odd result that came of this was the realization that I wasn’t being myself. I was trying too hard (if you can imagine trying too hard to be sloppy). The trying-too-hard erratic sloppiness of my efforts showed me that there is another kind of sloppiness—a relaxed kind. When this occurred to me, I also remembered some things about this project that I had forgotten.


Suddenly, hope sparked anew. The process can be trusted. The final result will be worth the mess. Until then, it’s all crap.


Craig Morton said...

Crap's not all bad. The dung of yesterday is next summer's tomatoes. Or something like that.

Lisa said...

I like that. I really gotta remember it. Sheesh . . . I am a gardener. Why didn't I think of that? Probably because I was wallowing.

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